The Trash Bag Struggle

trash bag


Sometimes I feel like I am blindsided by the weight of the world.

I heard a message awhile back that asked a question that sits with me almost daily.
The question was this, “If you were to switch places with satan and you were trying to tempt you, what things would you use to destroy you?”

Wow… that’s heavy. See I already know all my insecurities. There is all the mistakes that try to haunt me, and all the things that float through my thoughts that say I’m not valuable. If I were to switch places with satan, I would know exactly what to whisper in my ear and what kind of situations that would tempt me to be ugly.

We know all those things don’t we? I even have the tools of knowledge that lets me know where he is itching to strike, but even in that, he sneaks in undetected.

*Discontentment; noun – the condition of being dissatisfied with one’s life or situation.

*Restless; adjective – offering no physical or emotional rest; involving constant activity or motion.

I had a few days of restlessness, discontent recently. You know that feeling? Like I am looking around thinking, shouldn’t I be doing something important? Wheres all the fun? Is anybody thinking or caring about ME today? It activates an internal search for something more. YEAH! WHERE’S the MORE? I walked around like that for days. That search was happening inside me in constant motion. You couldn’t see it from the outside. Oh, I did my best to hide it.

Stop. Why did I feel the need to hide it? Well, I knew that there was nothing to be discontent about. I have all the things I need. I have a great hubby, great kids, friends, bills paid……. what is the problem?

I don’t know the answer to that question. Maybe, it’s because we came off of many very busy weeks and it started to slow down. Maybe it’s because I have been around a lot of different people and situations that caused me to start questioning my value. It could be possible that it’s because we have just went through a big move and some adjustment.

I just don’t know. What I do know is that I didn’t like the feeling. I of course started praying, but for days still felt like I was in a boat being tossed around all by myself. It was like I was standing in a trash bag where someone pulled the whole thing up over me and tied the top. I was struggling and struggling… pushing out at the edges trying to free myself from that suffocating bag. On my own, I could do nothing but struggle.

Ecclesiastes 1:8

All things are wearisome; Man is not able to tell it. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor is the ear filled with hearing.

My bibles commentary says this about The Ecclesiastes verses 1:2-11, and 14 & 15
“Vanity here refers to emptiness which is the final result of all life apart from God. Vanity is futility. It is to be born, to toil, to suffer, to experience some transitory joy which is as nothing in view of eternity, to leave it all, to die.”

Can you say God smack? So I’m vain? (yeah, that song is going through my head too -lol)
Maybe. Probably.
My discontent, my restlessness is most certainly because of my life apart from God. When I am close to God I am full. When I’m not, satan starts attacking all those places we both know so well.

I phoned a friend. I gave light to my plight and asked her to step in prayer with me.

In that I tore through that suffocating trash bag… punched satan in the face and said, eat my dust baby, you ain’t got nuthin when you’re up against my God.

So next time you feel side blinded, can’t sleep, feel restless, or discontent and are looking for the “more”. Ask yourself, Am I apart from God? Enlist a friend and draw close to him again, because all things are wearisome and empty apart from Him.

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