Connected to Hannah
It’s 2 am. For whatever reason, I can’t sleep.
I was lying in bed thinking about the day today when the story of Hannah crossed my mind.
It also happens to be our oldest daughter’s birthday. I can’t be the first one to text her, or call her to wish her Happy Birthday because she is gone. She would have been 26. It’s the 7th year we have remembered her birthday without her.
That brings me back to Hannah. I did some in depth studying on her awhile back. Every time I think of her I am still slightly bewildered. This is a woman that scripture says worshiped God. She was barren for years, mocked and ridiculed because she didn’t have children and cried out to her husband who in the end felt like he wasn’t enough to satisfy her ache for a child.
She was so desperate she cried out to God; “Please, if you give me this child, I will give him right back to you.” She was so distraught, praying so hard, that the priest who saw her thought she was drunk! Ok so are you with me? She asks for this long-waited child, nearly begging God, then promised to hand the child right back to God! The first time I heard this story I thought that actually made sense. She will rear her son to love the God she worships. No. It was much more sacrificial than that.
Hannah weened the boy and then took him to the alter and left him to be raised by the priest Eli…. She just WEENED him! But that’s not the crazy part. The crazy part is that she then celebrated how good her God was and how He brings life and sets things right all over the earth.
That’s sounds nutty to me. Beg for child. Get said child. Barely bond and ween child, only to give him away….and then….be THANKFUL!?! What?
Years ago, I would have thought that was such an outrageous thing. But maybe I have a connection to Hannah after all. We (My husband and I) were given this beautiful child made in His perfection. And for whatever reason we had to give her back. It wasn’t a willing move. We did not have Hannah’s heart at the time. However; today, I understand Hannah’s passion for our God. I understand her joy and thankfulness for who He is. I grasp that the “very structures of earth are God’s and that he gives in death and in life.”
Hannah knew something I didn’t the very first time we held our sweet babies. They never belonged to us. They were always God’s child first….and they were his at last.
Although the memory of our daughter can be painful and heavy, I find myself looking to Hannah to dig for joy and thankfulness.
“I’m bursting with GOD-news!
I’m walking on air.
I’m laughing at my rivals.
I’m dancing my salvation.
2-5 Nothing and no one is holy like GOD,
no rock mountain like our God. —
For GOD knows what’s going on.
He takes the measure of everything that happens.
Our daughter Nychelle is no longer with us here, but our God surely knows what’s going on.
Today I am going to burst with God-news! He is alive! We have a promise of salvation and eternity with him!
——-One day I know we will see her again too!