Why is it that we worry about things we have no control over? Especially when we AlREADY know God IS in control?
Who of you by worrying can add a single day to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
“Worry is useless, even when we are worrying about the lives of our children.” Beth Moore
Last Tuesday we received a call from our daughter who is traveling the world and growing in ministry in Christ. She fell while hiking and fractured a vertabrae. She was in a foreign hospital and visibly frightened.
My husband and I decided I should go to be with her. From the moment this happened God was aligning things.
Have you ever watched a movie where you were focusing on the main characters but you could tell there were things going on in the peripheral? You knew those things were going on but not exactly what was happening. You don’t discover the impact of those things until you watch the movie again or a friend tells you later, “Hey did you see xyz happening during that scene?”
This has been the truth in this situation from day one. There are so many things going on I can’t include them in this single blog.
So I’ll share this one “middle of the screen” thing that is happening.
The Drs in Montenegro were telling Alex (my daughter) she must lay for 3 weeks straight on her back to heal and avoid further injury. After talking to some U.S. doctors we felt after the first week we could modify this original prescription given by the Montenegro Dr.
To make a very long story short, I met a women who I fully believed God placed directly in my path (she will be yet another blog). She helped me navigate the very difficult process of getting Drs to release my daughter into my care to heal at a very near by Airbnb.
All the while I am feeling overwhelming pressure by family and friends not to move her…and if I did, to be extremely careful, to remember this could affect her for the rest of her life. The day I felt without a doubt that I needed to remove her from the hospital (not the greatest conditions) I started to have severe anxiety.
My conversations with God were something like…..”I feel compelled that she move TODAY God, but I need to know you are in this. I need to know I’m not doing something that could re-injure her. I need to know this is right. I Believe in the power of who you are. I need peace. I trust you.”
Earlier in the day before I left to walk to the hospital I tried to find my neighbor but she was not available. In English I wrote a note that said “Can you help me bring my daughter from hospital back to Airbnb to heal?” I attached this to the front of my door (it faces hers) with a dab of toothpaste and prayed God’s provision.
Fast forward to my severe anxiety moment wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I was in the middle of discussing with Alex about when to call a taxi. How do we explain to them that we need to lower the front seat all the way back and have her ride the few blocks in the front laying down? About this time… My neighbor…(Rajka) who is my Montenegrin Angel, walked in the door. In Croatian she is apologizing and I don’t understand the majority of what she is saying, but I know she is there to help.
There is a moment that I even have to convince Rajka why I am taking her out of “the very best hospital in Montenegro.” She calls several English speaking friends to try to understand why I would do something so reckless. Using Alex’s iPad translator she asks me, “Carol, are you prepared to take full responsibility for you daughters health by taking her against the Dr.s orders out of the hospital?” At this point I am spiritually and emotionally exausted. I feel like I am fighting an unseen force that I cannot quite predict it’s moves or understand it’s language.
I started to cry. I looked at Rajka and said “Yes.” I spoke to her in a few words that I thought she might understand. I pointed to her, then point to me , then pointed to the sky. I said, “You, sent to me, by my God.” I repeated this. Using the movents of charades ….”YOU, sent to ME, by my GOD.” I watched her soften. Again using physical motions I said “Momma, touching my chest, take better care… of daughter, pointing to Alex.” My eyes still wet with tears I ask her, you understand? Rajka shook her head yes. She stood. She said…”I, then points to the hallway, talk to Dr, Assistant.”. She then grabs the iPad and speaks into the translator. She says, “Carol I know you are in foreign country and you are scared. I promise to take care of you like in America.”
I grabbed hold of that woman and literally bear hugged her. I kept saying thank you thank you. I kissed her cheek and let go of her to wiped my eyes. She looked at the floor and said “nesh nesh”. She then looked me in the eye and said, “Now I go Dr.”
Later that afternoon we left the hospital using her car to transport Alex. As we got Alex out of the car I say to her. “You are my angel Rajka. You are my angel sent from heaven.” She shakes her head no and again her eyes pulled to the ground.
Several days later Alex is in a brace and is walking around our small studio apt with no pain. I watched her the other night and silently prayed, “Father, did I do right? Am I pushing this?”
In my spirit I heard back from Him… “Didn’t you ask me for miraculous healing? Is that not what you are seeing? Don’t you believe in what you pray for?”
That night I layed in bed listening to Alex sleep, tears rolling down my eyes. I said to God “Thank you for providing the way here, thank you for miraculous healing…I DO believe in what I pray and ask for and I do believe your will is for her to continue the race. Please give us discernment and wisdom and make me BRAVE to finish this trip in the way you have planned.”
Why do we ask for things from God but only half heartedly believe He hears or answers? Why is it hard to believe miraculous healing even when we see it with our own eyes? Are we like the Isrealites in the wilderness needing miracle after miracle to be performed to see God is already there?
Everyday I’m looking at a miracle happening. Everyday I realize there are things happening in the peripheral here and at home. I know some of it I won’t be able to fully understand until I have hugged Alex goodbye and started about my daily life at home again. In the middle I am learning to let go of fear, to trust God at yet another level.