.Without a friend

As we all know highschool can be rough. I think some us of are amazed we made it out in one piece.

I had plenty of friends and was very busy. Boys came into the picture and then things got crazy. Somewhere during that time my parents got divorced and some crazy and silly things happened with some of my female friends that made me decide that I didn’t need any friendships outside my then boyfriend (now husband) and the rest of my family.

It was too much drama.. too much junk..too many emotions. So I put up a wall. My aunts became my best friends. My husband’s guy friends became my friends by association and I thought I was content.

This went on for roughly 10-15 years. Somewhere in that place I went from just knowing there was a God, to forming a relationship with my Father. He spoke to me about forgiveness and the wall I had built up. He said I would need female friends outside my family and that I needed to walk through healing, and become vulnerable.

I was scared… And that sounded crazy irresponsible! I got out of my comfort zone by going to Bible studies. About that time my husband (without consulting me) decided we would start having life groups in our home. I was such a mess emotionally, I was nauseous. I didn’t want be judged or gossiped about.

Little by little God starting putting amazing women in front of me. My wall started to crumble as I realized maybe I could trust again. These women would come to accept me how I am, hold me up when I was down, and laugh with me when life was good. They would become my personal prayer warriors and earthly angels.

They have become my best friends.

I don’t know that I deserve them but I know this, I missed out on a lot of years that I could have used a close friend when my kids were little. I look back and shake my head at how the adversary used my pain and insecurity to isolate me.

Today I know who I am. I am so thankful for these women and so many more who cross my path and make me feel like a sister…like family.

I’m no longer without a friend. More importantly, I have friends who know my Father as well and can lift me up, encourage, and laugh with me in life.

Hurt feelings, insecurity, rejection, worthlessness, shame, depression, bitterness, and so many more are tools of the enemy. He uses them at will to isolate us from people. On the surface we make excuses and rationalize how our  life is simple and so much better without others in it. But inside, (“deep down in places you don’t want to talk about at parties.”) you need other people. You need acceptance and love. You need the opportunity to love back.

Don’t make my mistake. Don’t walk around jaded. Don’t let -him- (that lying, two face, crab apple eat’n, toe fungus lick’n, hell fire breathing, God wanna be) try to put walls up through and for you.

The healing can be scary, and I’m not going to lie, it may be hard. But as I have found, every time you get a silly text from your friend or get the privilege of praying with them, I promise it’s worth it.

YOU are worth it.